The Creative Way: how to develop a healthy identity
I was quite the people pleaser growing up. I didn’t want to offend or disappoint people. I was afraid of not fitting in.
Maybe it was because I suffered a lot of rejection and ridicule in my early years, or maybe it had to do with my birth order or personality type. Whatever the reasons, my insatiable desire to be accepted caused me to make many foolish and sometimes self destructive decisions.
By the time I graduated high school, I had been playing chameleon for so long, changing my behaviors and preferences to suit others, that I got to the point where I didn’t even know my true self. And I questioned if my truest self would ever be good enough.
I suffered a kind of identity crisis that left me emotionally paralyzed and caused me to retreat and isolate myself from others for a period. This may sound pitiful, I know, but it actually gave me the time and opportunity to step off that toxic approval wheel and do some major internal work to discover my true identity.
By the grace of God, seeds of transformation were planted during that season that over time have grown into a more beautiful life.
Although it might affect each of us to differing degrees, one thing we can all relate to is the desire to be accepted. There’s nothing necessarily wrong with that, we are created for community after all, which I believe naturally breeds the desire to find a sense of solidarity with others.
It only becomes an issue when it gets in the way of being authentic.
When the desire to be accepted is more important than the desire to share our true identity with others, then it’s a problem.
When our desire to “fit in” gets in the way of pursuing the lifestyle and pursuits that appeal to us, then something needs to change.
When we begin to stuff our feelings and desires in order to please others? We need a transformation.
I’ve done a lot of reading and research on this subject and what I’ve found is that most often the greatest enemy to a healthy sense of self, is the person looking back at you in the mirror.
It’s the enemy within.
I know that may sound a bit melodramatic, but it’s true. So many battles are fought in our minds and hearts as we struggle with feelings of unworthiness, insecurity, shame, and self doubt.
As we explore creative living and how to recover the childlike artist within, we can’t ignore the fact that one of the biggest obstacles to our creative recovery is that inner enemy. Or as some call it our “secret doubt.”
And this is where our identity plays such an important role in our creativity, and vice versa.
If we don’t have a healthy sense of who we are then it will be that much more difficult to have big dreams, and to be “ok” with pursuing a creative lifestyle.
If we have a damaged or under-developed identity, then we will find it hard to believe that we have been gifted by God with creativity and that He actually wants us to develop that gift.
Instead, we will stuff our dreams and desires down deep, and explore lifestyles that conform to what we believe will make others happy, or proud of us, or that seem more “safe.”.
The BEST antidote I have found to that sort of mindset is to explore my identity IN God. After all He made me, He knows me best, and He loves me completely. That goes for you too.
This involves spending time alone with God and His Word, to find out what He thinks of us, what He wants for us, What He says about us.
But before we jump in let’s address the elephant in the room, if you don’t mind a cliche.
Too often we are skeptical that what God said in His Word is absolutely true.
Unfortunately, too many dismiss the Bible as archaic, not relevant to their needs, or too difficult to understand. This keeps them from going deep enough to study the concepts and connections that point to The Truth, and to a transformational understanding of WHO they really are, fearfully and wonderfully made by a loving God (Psalm 139).
Instead they get stuck in the rut of believing the lies that others have told them or that they have told themselves.
To develop a healthy sense of self, we have to put aside our skepticism and be open minded. We have to examine our beliefs and ask “Are they true?”
We must pay attention to that still small voice and no longer stuff our self doubts but rather bring them to the light so they don’t fester in darkness and become rotten and rank.
That requires courage, patience, and awareness and it involves one of the biggest elements of a creative life: attention.
“Develop interest in life as you see it: people, things, literature, music the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself.” Henry Miller
It may sound counterintuitive when it comes to developing a healthy sense of self, but intentionally getting outside your head and forgetting about yourself is healthy. It will allow you to naturally become less self conscious and more conscious of the small miracles all around you.
Bonus: Here’s an exercise that will help with you with that ⤵️
Take time at least once a day (or whenever you feel overwhelmed and overstimulated) to stop and do the following.
Take a deep breath into your belly, intentionally letting go of any muscle tension.
Observe your external environment. Focus on your surroundings, and take note of at least three pleasant things, such as colors, shapes, objects, or sounds that you like.
Look for a small detail that you haven’t noticed before.
Give thanks to God for your blessings 🙏🏼
Synchronicity.
This concept came to my attention during a Hallmark Mystery of all things, but it’s a perfect illustration of what happens when we open ourselves up to a more creative life. When we pay attention, we will see the small but significant experiences that move us toward creative breakthrough. But we must be willing to step out and not dismiss those experiences as mere coincidences.
“Synchronicities are incidents of spiritual significance that ask us to momentarily dampen our self-obsession and consider the possibility of the divine. Synchronistic experiences leave us with a curious sense that we should pay attention.”
There is a powerful connection between our identity and creativity that will help us develop a healthy sense of self. As we explore who we are and WHOSE we are with an open mind, and pay attention to what’s happening around us, we will be better equipped for a creative breakthrough.
This is what will enhance our lives, and this is what will get us to the next right step in our unique creative journey.
Here are 2 things you can do this week to enhance your creativity and your life:
List 7 things you enjoy doing (baking, riding a bike, writing, reading poetry, etc). When was the last time you let yourself do these things? Put a date next to each one, it may surprise you. Make a date with yourself and start working through the list.
7 Dimensions of Wellness Wheel. Draw a 7 section pie and label each section with the following: spiritual, physical, mental, emotional, social, vocational, financial. Place a dot in each slice at the degree to which you are fulfilled in these areas (outer rim indicates most fulfilled, inner circle least fulfilled). Connect the dots and you’ll see where you’re out of balance. You may find areas of your life that feel bankrupt. Make a point to invest in those areas this week. It doesn’t require a ton of time. For instance, if your spiritual life is unhealthy, starting your day out with just 5-10 minutes of prayer can make a difference. If it’s your physical fitness that is non-existent, then add in a 15 minute walk 5 days this week.
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I’m Karen Ferguson, author, content creator, and the owner of Illuminate Communications, LLC.
I’m all about illuminating God’s Truth and His love through the power of words.
It’s my mission to inspire, encourage, and equip you on your faith-journey by providing books, tools, and resources that will help you grow in your relationship with Jesus, and thrive in mind, body, and spirit.
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